World Evangelism Podcast

The Echoes of Loss A Mother's Testament to Faith and Recovery

• W. Austin Gardner • Season 1 • Episode 4

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Have you ever found yourself questioning the purpose behind life's most painful moments? Bridgette Young joins us, and with a voice that echoes the strength of the human spirit, she shares the heartbreak of losing two children to ectopic pregnancies, and the anger with God that followed. Her openness offers a guiding light to those who have felt lost in the shadows of grief and reinforces the lesson that faith can emerge stronger from the fires of suffering. We draw inspiration from biblical figures, finding solace in the stories of Joseph and Moses, as Bridget shares the poignant significances behind the names of her lost children.

Amidst the storm of sorrow, there's a tale of a mother's courage as she wrestles with depression while trying to keep life normal for her daughter, Willow. The dance between shielding her child and the eventual embrace of vulnerability within her marriage paints a raw picture of the familial ripple effects of loss. We also get an exclusive glimpse into her soon-to-be-released book, offering a beacon of hope for others navigating the murky waters of grief. The conversation shifts to a heartfelt account of how therapy, despite initial resistance, carved a path toward healing through the wise counsel of a retired pastor.

We round out our conversation by confronting the stigma of therapy and counseling within the Christian community. Bridgette and I share personal insights into the transformative power of seeking professional guidance, unpacking the false beliefs that can prevent many from accessing the support they need. By sharing the creation of a grief journal and discussing the benefits of therapy, we extend an invitation to find strength and solace in embracing our own emotional wellbeing. Join us for this deep and necessary exploration into the ways we can emerge victorious from life's most challenging trials.

Thanks for listening. Find us on YouTube, Substack, Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.

Speaker 1:

Well, this is Al Sigardner, welcoming you back to the World Evangelism Podcast, and today this is a special edition. This is our second in the series talking with Bridget Young, and in the normal World Evangelism Podcast, I'll be bringing to you a verse of the day for missions, and then a country of the day or country of the week, because this will be coming out weekly. Then I will bring you a book, a book you should read, a book you should know about, and a historical person. So I am very excited about the opportunity to talk to you, but all along the way, I'm going to be looking for people that can bless us and help us, and Bridget Young is one of those people For us to be used. God often breaks us.

Speaker 1:

You know, joseph will be greatly used, but he went through 13 years of torture. Moses will be greatly used, but he went through 40 years of torture. Moses will be greatly used, but he went through 40 years in the wilderness. If you go through the Bible over and over, you'll find David ran and hid in caves, even knowing he was supposed to be the king, and Bridget and Blake Young, missionaries to Columbia, have been suffering. I'm pretty sure their suffering has had a major purpose and it's to help you.

Speaker 1:

That's what I want to do. I want to help you, and I want to help you by bringing to you people I know have a great message and I hope you'll listen. If you didn't hear last week's podcast, I hope you'll go back and get it, and if you did, I hope you'll share these to other people. So I am glad to welcome you, bridget, once again, and I was frozen in our last session. We're still in the same clothes because we're just recording these back to back, but, bridget, you want to just introduce yourself again and tell people a little bit about who you are, and we will continue our conversation.

Speaker 2:

Okay, bridget young and I'm married to blake young. We have a four-year-old daughter named willow, and I don't know something. You just saw his head. This is tank, our dog. Sorry, he's interrupted this meeting.

Speaker 1:

I thought you had golden, wasn't that or that? Who had the golden retrievers?

Speaker 2:

that was you we did in columbia. Yes, sir, um yeah, she was too big and too expensive to move countries, so we got a small, movable-sized pet now.

Speaker 1:

That's a major change.

Speaker 2:

Yes, it is.

Speaker 1:

You know, as we were ending our session last time, you were talking about how you had been angry at God and my son one of my sons was unable to have children for almost nine years and in a message somewhere he preached and said he had been angry at God and he got ripped. The pastor was upset the church. He said nobody should ever be angry with God, which is really not very true and not very smart.

Speaker 1:

And I think it's somebody that may not have been through some hurt. So I know that it's a repeating a little bit of what you've already said, but some people may not have heard last session. So why were you angry?

Speaker 2:

So my husband and I lost two children through ectopic pregnancies and our first loss we had been told we had miscarried and then a few weeks later we found out I was still pregnant and the baby was still alive, had a strong heartbeat but I needed to go in for emergency surgery that same day because the tube was beginning to rupture. A year and a half later we got pregnant again another ectopic pregnancy, and that one resulted in losing my second tube and the ability to have more children. So it was a lot to have to carry and process and deal with, especially being on medication and moving to a field to start language school and you know just normal life that you're going through on top of a deep grief like that and that definitely put me in a very dark place and a lot of anger, sadly, for a long time.

Speaker 1:

Let's just briefly define a couple of terms what type of pregnancy and what's that mean?

Speaker 2:

So an ectopic pregnancy is when the pregnancy begins to attach and grow. I can't think of the technical term right now but it attaches to somewhere outside of the uterus.

Speaker 2:

Usually the most common place is in the fallopian tubes. At some point in the tube the placenta attaches and begins to grow outside of the uterus and it always ends with either the baby passing or them having to give the mother a shot a chemotherapy shot, or removing of the pregnancy or the tube, because the pregnancy cannot grow without the mother. At some point it rupturing and hemorrhaging, so if it is not caught it can be deadly.

Speaker 1:

So I would imagine in some foreign countries that don't have as advanced a medical attention or people can't afford it, the woman might be hurting and not get help and end up dying. Is that fair?

Speaker 2:

Oh yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1:

I mean if it happens.

Speaker 2:

If it can happen in the United States, where we're supposed to have really great healthcare and it can be missed even with our technology and women die every year from this, it definitely I'm sure happens in other places.

Speaker 1:

Okay, and then you mentioned the word deputation, and for those listening that aren't acquainted with that, that means the period of time when you're raising the support to go do the work that God's called you to do. So you lost two children, but you named them. Why don't you tell us that?

Speaker 2:

Yes, so our first one we named is Callan Vision Young, and our second one we named Anaya Oak Young, and with both of those, my husband chose the middle names and I chose the first names. Callan is just a name that I've always liked. It has no significance or meaning whatsoever other than I just like the name. And Anaya, though, actually means God has answered, and we chose that because God clearly gave us an answer that, yes, he was giving us the children we asked for, but His answer was no, you'll only be able to raise them for the amount of weeks that I was able to carry them, and so that's why His name has a little bit more of a meaning to it.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I I'm gonna ask some questions. That might be a tad uncomfortable, but I think it might help you, help others, because that's what you're doing and that's why you wrote the book. What's the name of the book exactly?

Speaker 2:

the name of the book is lost in the grave and the subtitle is breaking the silence on the struggles of infant loss and infertility.

Speaker 1:

So how low did you get?

Speaker 2:

I got low enough to where I was sitting in my closet one day trying to put up laundry that had probably been sitting in my room about a week. And I was sitting on the floor surrounded by all these clothes to put up and I just had the thought, lord, I just want to die, I can't do this anymore, and that scared me when I realized I was at the point where I just don't want to wake up anymore. It was just too heavy.

Speaker 2:

And this was even before our second loss. Before our second loss my husband took me away for kind of like a mini sabbatical on the field. We went to the coast of Columbia for just over a week. We had some dear friends keep willow, because I kind of reached a breakdown, like a mental breakdown almost, if I could put it that way Because I had just started therapy to process Callan's loss. All of you know the way we lost him was extremely traumatic and it was a lot to handle. Plus, in language school that's a lot to handle too. So my body just did not handle the stress well. So we went to the coast. I sat on the beach for about a week just to pray, to listen to worship music, to try to read a book about um, uh, the book was about. I can't remember what the book was about now actually I don't think I read much of the book, but it was just the time to process it and grieve. But we were on the third floor of a hotel room and I had one day and the window.

Speaker 1:

The windows didn't have any type of like guard or lock or balcony.

Speaker 2:

It was just you open the window and you can just step off. And I had one night where I really wanted to just open the window and step off, um, and I really considered it, but the only thing that stopped me was no. I was like no, I can't. I can't do that to my husband. I cannot let him see his wife die this way. And I didn't want my daughter to raise up, to grow up without a mother.

Speaker 2:

And I really think God kept putting those thoughts in my mind and thinking Nope, you have to think about Willow, you have to think about your husband. You still have a purpose. And that's what kept me in that room that day and kept me. You know, nope, I'm going to fight for this, I'm not giving up yet. And even if I feel bad all the time, I know God has a purpose for this. And that little tiny sliver of hope really kept me going. It is what brought me to the place to trust God again, to allow us to get pregnant again.

Speaker 2:

And then, after our second loss, instead of returning to the promises and the progress I had made and seeing what God had done in my life through Callan's death. I put God back on a shelf and I said nope, I'm done, it's just. It's hurt after hurt, it's no after no and I'm tired of it. This isn't fair. I got extremely negative. One thing that was also very difficult was we took a four month furlough, emergency furlough, after our second loss, to take time to grieve, to get help, to get rest, because we did not do that after our first loss and that was really detrimental to ourselves, to our marriage, to my emotional health, physical health even. But at our home church at the time there was a young lady who was the same amount of weeks pregnant that I would have been, and so for four months I had to go to every service and see her belly grow and see her healthy pregnancy, and that was really difficult and I felt that God was being very cruel.

Speaker 2:

And my pastor looked me in the eyes one day at one of our counseling sessions and he said I can look at your face and you have no hope, you are hopeless. And I said yeah, I am. I was like it's just. He said I can look at your face and you have no hope, you are hopeless. And I said yeah, I am. I was like it's just. I said it's just not fair, um, and I almost walked away from ministry. Uh, I almost walked away from my marriage. There was one day that I told Blake to pack his bags and leave, because I was so angry and upset at everything and my poor husband got the brunt of it and I took it all out on him because I forgot that. You know he was grieving too and he handled it way better than I did. He stayed in the truth of God's word.

Speaker 2:

He led his family really well, but I fought it because, I let anger consume me, but little by little, with a lot of, I think, prayers on behalf of my husband and some other people who knew how much I was struggling, we got into a grief share program and, little by little, with a lot of love for my husband, tons of mercy from the Lord, I got back to the point where I was like you know what I'm going to be okay, we're going to get through this.

Speaker 2:

God had a plan for this and the Lord really just did a radical change in my heart because I could not still be in missions, I would not have the marriage I have today.

Speaker 1:

But we're not for the Lord and for the husband that you gave me.

Speaker 2:

Nobody can get through those things, I really believe nobody can get through the loss of a child, no matter what type of loss, without Christ. And the ones that somehow quote unquote do get through it. They're struggling every day. Every day is going to be a battle, and it's still a battle for me on a lot of days, and it's been three and a half years since we lost Callan and a year and a half since we lost Anaya and there are still some days that it's still just really, really heavy and just really difficult.

Speaker 1:

So I'd like to know how it affected Willow. There's Willow. Why don't you introduce Willow to everyone that's watching? And people that are watching can see her?

Speaker 2:

This is Willow. She's four, she's got chocolate on her face. Hey, willow, hi Hi, she's just shy. I can't because mommy's talking right now. Okay, go see, use your chair, or you can sit here, but if you sit here quiet, okay.

Speaker 1:

Yes, go to the hospital, use your chair, okay I would say children are worth the time and the love, so it's good.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and we have realized that she is. She's our miracle baby, because the fact that I had two ectopics back to back in both tubes, even though I was told that, oh, your tubes look fine, there obviously was something that wasn't okay. And so for the Lord to be able to give us a healthy pregnancy, the first time with Willow, is she's definitely our miracle and we are so so thankful for her.

Speaker 1:

I want to know how she reacted, because she had to see her mother down and out and beaten and whipped, and though I think maybe Blake apparently was handling it, I'm pretty sure he wasn't handling it, cause I know that I know how to fake it and you know it's that fake it till you make it. And so I wonder how Willow was affected, or do you have any idea?

Speaker 2:

A little bit. Thankfully, during our first loss she had just turned a year old, so she was still definitely young enough to where she didn't know what was going on. We were at a veteran missionary's house during the first loss because it was in Columbia and we had ended up staying there for two weeks through Thanksgiving instead of one week because I had to recover from the surgery, and they took her out for ice cream. They took her, you know, they played with her, so she had a blast.

Speaker 2:

After the times that I had was dealing with depression through language school, I would try to fake it as much as I could with her, but a lot of times it was, hey, let's turn on cartoons and let's eat pizza in bed, like that's just the reality of it. I didn't do a lot of cooking. We had a lot of takeout or like frozen meals, and she was one to two years old during that time two and a half years old, and thankfully she, um, I, I didn't cry in front of her A lot of times. Um, I would go cry in the shower, I'd go cry in the closet when she'd sleep, when Blake was busy, because I didn't want to make him or her be scared or feel worse than they were.

Speaker 2:

I don't think he realized how bad the depression was because, like, like you said, we can get really good at faking it, um. But when it got to the point where I couldn't anymore, I went to him and I kind of had the breakdown and it was like something's wrong with me, um and so and he, he sat with me and he read scripture to me while I was asleep at this point and he was like we're gonna. He was like I'm gonna call our director, I'm going to take you on a vacation and we're going to get through this. And he just loved me through it. And I know I found out later that he was still struggling with some things and we kind of felt the same.

Speaker 2:

Well, if I tell you it'll, wear you down it'll you know like burden you and you'll worry about me and vice versa. But that's not how marriage should work. And once we actually opened up, more honest with each other, we were better able to pray for each other and carry each other's burdens and it was much sweeter and brought us closer. Now, during my second loss, willow was with me and on my second flight in the States that landed in North Carolina is when I was in extreme pain. It was probably the worst pain I've ever been in, other than actual labor when I birthed Willow. It was terrible.

Speaker 2:

The flight attendant came and helped me with Willow and something kind of interesting on that flight is Willow. Willow has flown a lot. She never has problems with her ears. On this trip, her ears really started bothering her and I really think that was the Lord, because I was in so much pain and all of a sudden Willow started crying and that took my focus off the pain and on my daughter. And I was in so much pain and all of a sudden Willow started crying and that took my focus off the pain and on my daughter and I was trying to sing to her.

Speaker 2:

We were giving her snacks to try to help her to swallow, and that helped me make it that last 20 minutes of the flight. And then when I got off the flight, we got help and they had to take us via ambulance from the airport to the hospital and that scared her a little bit. She doesn't like ambulances too much anymore. If she gets too close it kind of scares her. Um, but thankfully the nurses were super kind.

Speaker 2:

I had a cousin I didn't realize, lived, you know, in that faint city and she had several kids. She came, picked up Willow, took her to her house, played with her, fed her, let her sleep there over the night, um, so thankfully Willow didn't have to spend the night in the hospital, she was only there for a couple hours with me. She has seen me cry more over the last year because I learned, you know, if I'm trying to teach women that it's okay to grieve their child and they don't have to go in a closet and cry, I need to teach that to my daughter as well. So there's been some times where she's seen me cry and she's like mommy, why are you crying?

Speaker 2:

And so I'll say well, I miss your brothers or your brother and sister right now and then we talk to them about with her and she knows their names and we have their, their things displayed in our home and she'll go by and point them out that Callan's or that's an IS, and to me that's really sweet because hearing her say their names is it's a really comforting to me. I thought it was going to be really triggering or really difficult, but when it's your children and she has that connect connection with her siblings.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so let's. I don't know if we need one more podcast with this or not, but let's kind of give a little bit of detail about your book. Give us one major, helpful hint from the book. Tell them what the name of the book is, and it'll be out in print in just a few days. Correct? But the fact is, this podcast won't go out for a little over a week, so it may already be in print yes, so the book uh will be out on paperback, available for purchase on amazon on march 30th, which is right now.

Speaker 1:

It's this saturday coming up, so by the time this podcast is out, it will be out on amazon for purchase and I'll put a link to that in the notes, under the podcast and under the uh youtube, so that you can go buy your own copy, and I hope you will. All right, and so it's already out.

Speaker 1:

The book is already available as a kindle version yes for ebook kindle version okay, and so you can get that and so, but those, those notes will be in the, in the notes and both of the or all three podcasts, whatever we end up doing, but let's get one great truth just preach to us. You've been doing a pretty good job of preaching. Go ahead and preach to us one of your truths I'm probably talking too much.

Speaker 2:

Um, there are several things in the book that are really good that I didn't write One thing that.

Speaker 1:

I love-. What do you mean? You didn't write.

Speaker 2:

So I had two people actually the two people I went to for counseling and group therapy. They contributed to the book. There's a chapter called I call it the T word because in Christian circles nobody wants to talk about therapy and I'm not we should stop.

Speaker 1:

Let's stop right there. Okay, so it's a bad thing to get therapy In most Christians' minds, but truthfully, it's not Go ahead. Why don't you explain that part? Then explain what's in the book.

Speaker 2:

All right. So the T word referring to therapy or getting professional help. So I negated the fact that I had been through a traumatic experience from our first loss and when I started getting professional help through this gentleman he's a retired pastor, he's got training. Now A friend recommended him to me and I was like, okay, I'll give it a shot. And I went to my husband and I was like this person told me I need to go to therapy. Can you believe that?

Speaker 1:

And my husband goes. I think that would be really helpful for you.

Speaker 2:

And that really surprised me and I was really embarrassed by it. I didn't tell my family for a long time, I didn't tell any friends. It was just my husband and the person that recommended it and the person that was giving me therapy. And so I'm talking to him and he says you know, do you realize?

Speaker 2:

that you've been through something that's very traumatic and I said no. I said no, I'm not a trauma victim. Like you know, I'm a Christian. I can take care of those things Traumas for soldiers with PTSD. People have been through really, really difficult things, you know, and in my mind at the time I was dealing with a lot of guilt because of the circumstances surrounding our first loss and I thought, no, I had to choose to do a terrible thing that no mother should ever have to choose. I had to choose between my child's life and mine, and that was very that's just very backwards in my mind. That's not how, you know, the cycle of life is supposed to go.

Speaker 2:

Mothers should sacrifice their their own bodies for their children, not the other way, and it took me a while to find a couple of terms that, yes, what I did go through was traumatic. There was very deep trauma I had gone through and it made it for a very complex grief that I had to deal with and break down. That I'm still, honestly, you know, dealing with and going through and that's okay. But sadly, a lot of Christians are taught that it's almost like this mindset that we're immune to trauma, trauma, that we're immune to those difficult things affecting us or we're supposed to handle it for sure yeah why are you?

Speaker 1:

why are you complaining? Why are you whining? You're supposed to be praising god exactly, and that's really not.

Speaker 2:

I mean, yes, we're to praise god, no matter what, but we're also supposed to to grieve and take time to mourn. What does it mean what? What does it mean to grieve because?

Speaker 1:

we're also supposed to grieve and take time to mourn. What does it mean to grieve? Because we're probably going to have to do another podcast, but you also have a grief journal.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

And so I mean you're going to help me grieve through whatever loss. Is that correct?

Speaker 2:

Yes, I set up the grief journal so that way it's not specifically for infant loss or infertility, but anybody can use it. And I looked for grief journals myself, but I wanted one that fit me specifically and then I thought, well, maybe this will help someone else. So for me, a big part of grieving was learning how to process my emotions, but not letting those emotions control me so I could still live in victory. Yes, I need to face the trauma. I needed to deal with the grief, which can be in forms of you know, you're sad, you're angry, you're frustrated, you're depressed, you're stressed all the time going out and dealing with triggers that you see on a daily basis. So I have a section that says today. I feel like it says something about feelings.

Speaker 2:

And so there's a thing I can. I feel angry. Today I'm frustrated. I went to the store and saw a lady with three children and all of them were the same ages of what my children would have been. That can be very triggering for me some days. Or, you know, I had to go to the doctor's office today and I couldn't stop shaking, because I still have a hard time going into doctor's office, uh, even if it has nothing related to anything to do with having children.

Speaker 2:

Um, it's just. Those are just things that our brains are always going to be affected by, because trauma affects our brains Like if you look at um pictures of brains before and after trauma, it literally can change your brain in some areas. And because we're we're human beings we're not perfect we're. This is a sinful world and negative things are gonna impact our bodies in a negative way, but we can learn to overcome those and to deal with them in a healthy way and to move through them. So there's a section where you can write down what you're feeling, if you have any triggers that day, whatever.

Speaker 2:

And then the next thing says the truth. I'm standing on. So here's how I'm feeling. Here's all these things that are weighing me down. It feels overwhelming, but here are some verses I can write down, some reminders of God's truth and promises that I can apply right now. And then there's a section for other notes. If you want to journal about, you know no more popsicles.

Speaker 1:

You can talk about whatever the grief is.

Speaker 2:

Maybe you've lost a grandparent or a loved one or a child and you can just write maybe a letter to that person or just just memories or whatever it is that helps you, because for me, talking about it and writing about it is a is a huge help to me to process it and then to be able to to begin to greet, to begin to to feel those things, but then to move on with it, to grow around the grief and to learn how to appropriately handle it on a day-to-day basis.

Speaker 1:

Fantastic. Well, this is our second episode and we'll do one more together Because I want Bridget to explain some truths out of the book and maybe some what's it like to have therapy? Why are we so embarrassed about therapy and getting counseling? I know that when I was in the bottom of the pit that I was in, somebody told me to get counseling and I was like, uh, you know, I've been given counseling all my life, so I want Bridget to help us with that, and I think God has raised up Bridget to be a big blessing and a help to so many people. Now, thank you for listening to the podcast and we will be back. So this will be three weeks running that Bridget will be speaking to you and I hope that you will invite people to come go get list session Number one, come back and listen to this one and then, of course, session number three. I thank you very much for listening to the world evangelism podcast special edition and we'll be back in just a little bit. God bless you. Well, I have lost my mouse.